Calli's Poetry.

[Calli]

[glow=black,2,300]Dreams

By the moon, the shining stars
I'll wait day by day
Watching forever
Never straying far

And so i am within these walls
Running through mazes and endless tears
I can't find the way out of this chamber
I'm struck still, caught in captivity

Watching the outside world
The days go by and here i be
Running or waiting but never leaving
I try to leave but i cannot move

I feel as if my body doesn't hear me
I can think but never can i move myself
And all i know that keeps me here
All that i know that makes me stay away...

My heart, the endless turmoil
All these feelings and these emotions
They all flow through me like fire
Non can be stopped by my wounded mind

Days and days, months then years
All of them pass in a blur of time
Still in the chamber that holds me captive
Oh God let me out let me live

Still i stay tears keep flowing
Memorys of warmth, laughter and fun
They hold me to sanity
But even that is slipping away

Rocking myself and trying to feel comfort
Looking around i see nothing but memorys
Now all of them are dark, of monsters and others
Things that scare and now send me from my mind

No sanity is left, no word of mine can be heard
Screaming endlesssly is all i can do
Screaming and Screaming until i can no more
My screams turning to tears and tears to agony

Suddenly I'm me from some sudden dream
I lay within my own bed, within my own room
I wear my own clothing and there you are...
Sleeping next to me

All a dream I suddenly realize
I am myself and no one can take me
Smiling a smile i felt i haven't had in ages
I lay back down, now to dreams as pleasent as any.
[/glow]

---
There you go! My crappy poem ^.^

[Eblise]

Man--you make me jealous ^-^ Your writing is much better than mine. Hehehe. Good job, and keep up the awsome work!

[Calli]

[glow=black,2,300]Cheers! ;D

I've been at it for a little while.. I dunno maybe I have a gift, but you yourself can be amazing if you exploite your skills.




All I Want Is You




Here i wait within the darkness of my heart

Here's where i wonder where you are

You promised me love, you promised me happiness

I find niether within my dark lonly corner



Your voice still sounds within my head

Memorys of your touch bring bitter tears to my eyes

I long for your face, your gentle eyes

But i have only memorys intil your awaited return



They say your gone with wandering wind

Never to return to this cold lifeless plain

I can't belive this truth yet i do

Your the Hero, the one to stand strong



Now your gone, i wish not to go on

I lay within my heart, within sorrow and despairs

I can see no happiness without you

I now wish thier to be no more life upon me



I see no return from this bitter world

Except the deliverence of death long awaited

She sweeps into me as i clutch the knife within my hand

I look to my pale flesh and bring the blade upon myself



I feel nothing but pain, see nothing but blackness

She brings me rest to my sorrows

Brings me happiness where i had none for now...

She also brings me to you, my love

[/glow]

[Calli]

[glow=black,2,300]

Bitter Sweet

A mind is a world
A World all its own
It shows us things
We dare not speak

One must wonder
Why the mind
Speaks within riddles
Yet shows us the line

Sweet soft words
Sung within lulliby
Simple phrases
Yet complex
To the unwaking dreamer

Mirrors showing
A reflection thats false
Thoughts and words
No longer one

Apperance can be everything
One simply acts
Rarely will the truth
Be shown to the face

False image
Restless minds
Abandoned ways
And bitter sweet cries

All those voices
All those minds
All those souls
Just looking for peace

No one can right
The wrongs humanity
Humanity has commited
No matter what the words
Everything...
Seems to grant the darkness
Eternal power[/glow]

[Calli]

[glow=black,2,300]

Creatures

Life. the one thing taken advantage of

What if death decided to take us?

What if she wishes death to come upon us all?

Life is a mere gift, something to be given...and taken



Lost, alone, senseless humans are never knowing, never seeing.

The undead. they walk the night curesed beings

Are lady death exiling, toturing these beings to immortalitly

Never do they know rest, never do they find peace



We call of the vampires

Feeding on others, drinking thier blood, thier very lives

Struggle they do always wishing for cures

Never finding.... until



Suicide......

The one thing the lady death has flawed

Slitting the throat, removing thier head

These undead restless beings die pooled in blood



The lady comes and takes

To Hell these beings go, to hell they perish

Never do they find peace..

Never is happiness something found



Un welcome in heaven these creatures of night

no choice given, but thier fate unchanging

The only comfort found is the way of changing others

Making the innocent suffer thier torterouse path



These innocence have no choice like thier brethern

Innocene they represent but the dead of night, the lonly paths

It changes the mind, changes the heart

Wishes turn dark hopes gray, soon the innocencnt grow as deadly as night

[/glow]

[Calli]

Vengence


Why are you doing this?
What have I done?
What could I have said?
I'm lost, confused... scared as well

I've been watching you drift
Seeing your eyes stray
I'm not blind... I do have eyes
Yet i'm so hurt, I can't say a word

Taking control of my emotions
Loving this disadvantage I bear
Using it cruelly and...
When I stand right there

In at party
Standing all alone
Waiting for you to return
Smiling intil I see

The drink that was meant for me
Now another holds
Pretty, blonde... such a ditz...
Such a whore

My feelings are crushed
Tears wishing to break free
Now... your leaving...
Forgetting of me

Alone, without you
In a harsh world
You were my only love
The only reson I live life

Thoughts are pooring into my mind
Becoming darker within every moment
Cruel and twisted
My heart now rock hard

Flowing to the shadows
Pure and innocent i once was
Now a hunter
The pray my only consious thought

Slowly through pain
A transformtion takes place
My humanity seeming to flee
From my shadowy mind

The years are passing
Me... I follow your life
My hatred all-consuming
Goal, firmly set

An older man you've become
Married, children... a divorce
All alone, lonly like me... this is my chance
Inches it feels from my longed for goal

Sleeping soundly, dagger in hand
Now an old man... me but a hag
The blade it shimmers as metal slice through flesh
Swift fatel pain... life blood running down

Lifeless eyes stare open at me
once filled with life the body lay limp
Suddenly pain, quick and swift
Vengence fulfilled, I may rest in peace....

[Aylor]

I am not sure that my comments are at all wanted, because I am getting the feeling these poems are here because they have to be admired. If that is the case, stop reading right now.

Let me say, first off, that I'm happy to see you don't feel the need to make everything rhyme. That's a good thing. Rhyme isn't a prerequisite for poetry. However, a couple of other things are. First off, I know you're probably a teenager. It shows. If you need to vent your feelings, a punch bag does wonders. Venting in poetry does not make famous poetry, neither does brooding. "Creatures" seems like a very brooding poem. That is all fine and dandy, but what does your poem mean? What are you trying to express? You use many lines to say... what exactly? Most of your phrases seem very empty to me. Take this piece:

The lady comes and takes

To Hell these beings go, to hell they perish

Never do they find peace..

Never is happiness something found

What does it mean? Besides, "never is happiness something found" is not English. Just because you are writing poetry instead of prose does not mean you have to bend your sentence structures. In a like vein, it does not mean you can disregard the conventions of spelling. Neither does the fact that you are publishing this on the Internet. If you wish to be taken seriously, spell things right first. I'm sure you have a spell checker on the computer, or a dictionary somewhere in the house. Do use it.

I know it's a pain when people bother you about spelling, but it is a necessary evil.

That out of the way, I shall continue about the actual poetry. Something you might want to consider is the use of original metaphors. Just because something is convention does not make it right. Example: when Petrarcha first used the metaphor of the "frozen flame" back in the late Middle Ages, it was original. Nowadays, it is a cliche that poets ought to be ashamed of using. You seem to be stuck with the cliched themes (forsaken love, suicide, peace after vengeance) and pretty much within a set vocabulary. For instance:

No one can right
The wrongs humanity
Humanity has commited
No matter what the words
Everything...
Seems to grant the darkness
Eternal power

I am sorry, but this has been said. Often. Try to step out of the cliche. The opposition light-darkness is as old as the world: try finding your own imagery, your own way to express yourself. That does not mean that you have to bend the language to be original (because it isn't), that means that within the confines of the language, you will have to find a style of writing that is you.

And one last thing. These poems, though they are all in the vein of topics that have been treated over and over again by teenagers all over the world, and all answer to that same vocabulary, are also all stand-alones. You give no indication that you have any knowledge of literature outside of your own writings. A poem can become so much better with just a hint of intertextuality. Shakespeare's sonnets are no stand-alones. He builds on the work of others, whether through mere reference, tribute or mockery. Perhaps you can read some of the Romantic poets- Wordsworth, maybe, Coleridge, or- yes, William Blake. Their subject matter should appeal to you, and you might get something valuable from it besides a good read.

There, I hope this is of some value to you. After all, it would be worthless if I chimed in with praises while I think that with some constructive criticism, you can become much better than you are.

[Calli]

-twitches constantly, watches her ego shrivle up and die- Heh ^^;

To be serious. Thank you. I do put my poems here in order to get the critisim I need. Now I'm horrible with spelling. Completely horrible. Typo demons love me. I wrote these when I was seriously depressed, took soluce in my computor and was simply wanting to die. Yet I didn't have any courage to end it. I am trying to find a area I can write about. I'll take full consideration of your views. -bows and fades out-

[Aylor]

Wow. I'm glad you're so good at taking criticism. I was a bit afraid you'd take offence.

For one: good thing you didn't actually die. It's hard to come back if you regret it afterwards, you know.

And two... You're welcome.